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The Three Minute Pizza: Pepperoni Flavor from Kroger has ruined my life.

Hello. Hi. this may be the first page you see from me and maybe even the last but we're here and now together and I'm going to tell you about this fucking pizza.

The Kroger Three Minute Pizza Pepperoni Flavor pizza has been a staple of my diet since I was uuuuuuuuuuuuuh 13 years old??? I don't remember how it started. I really don't. I know there was a time in my life before I was always eating Three Minute Pepperoni Pizza by Kroger but I could not tell you where it began or ended, only that one day I was eating this fucking pizza for almost every meal.

I have consumed enough preservaties from this pizza alone to exist long after the sun destroys our planet. And this is to say nothing of the Garfield Spaghettios.

My dear father used to have to go talk to one of the managers in the back (who later would become one of my bosses) and have him put back an entire case of these stupid pizzas so my undiagnosed OCD ass could have them at all times all day every day. this soon became a source of shame. I knew I was eating too many of the pizzas. when we went grocery shopping I would make him put some of the pizzas back so the other children can hame some. This is a habit I continue till this day. I can never wipe the shelf even though I WANT to. I can not.

There eventually came a day where my body was like ENOUGH!!!! and I stopped eating them for many many years.

Then, one day, like...uhm. Man. I dont remember actually. Was it after my dad died? It had to have been. Yes. Because I didnt know about fetta until the year my sister passed away. Anyway at SOME POINT after 2016 I started getting the pizzas again. I was living alone. No one could stop me. No one could judge me. I bought the pizzas and started dressing them up with sliced black olives and crumbled fetta. They were delicious. It looks like this:



As I stated above, I have OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I struggle with eating a lot of the time. I have a small range of foods considered "safe foods" by my rotten brain. These "safe foods" cycle in and out of "style" in my brain and these diabolical pizzas are one of them. I'm convinced that as long as I eatt one of these stupid pizzas, nothing bad will happen. Which is like...peak OCD. OCD is fear. Constant fear only soothed by acts that may or may not be detrimental. You know this. Maybe you don't. I'm saying it.

I am so. Sick. Of these pizzas. They plague my body. They plague my wallet. My friends look on in horror as I continue to purchase them. Escape is so, so hard. I would love to eat normal meals. But they are a safety net. I am so stockhomed by these pizzas that I am afraid of branching out into other foods to eat at "important times" like breakfast. I could try to eat something different for breakfast but in the back of my mind an evil voice is saying "you're going to get shaky and dizzy and you wont be able to focus because you ate something else instead of a pizza" or "since you ate an unsafe food you are going to get sick and throw up in public." The shitty pizza is the same every time. They are all alike--though some may have more pepperonis than others. You cant depend on fruit. Some meats make my stomach hurt for unknown reasons. A sandwich just isnt ENOUGH my brain screams. And I posit--why not two sandwiches? You're allowed to have two sandwiches.

Fucking tyrant in my skull the consistancy of scrambled eggs. Ugh.

I have no energy. I can't fit into my favorite clothes. When the store is out and I do not have access to the stupid tiny pizzas, I crawl the walls like fucking Dracula. I worry. I spiral. There are other safe foods. Spaghettios. Saltines. Toast.

I am trying to escape.

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Nick Sanders, 2024